The Test

I have always loved St. Patrick's Day. It's one of my favorite holidays to bartend for and to celebrate.  This year I worked all day, and came home to a very excited Ryan. For those who don't know Ryan is my partner and we have been together for close to three years. I actually met him where I currently work, but that is another story :) He was ready to go out and I was ready for bed. I had never been so tired in my life and I was concerned that I might be pregnant. On the way home I grabbed an at home pregnancy test and planned to take it that night for some peace of mind.

Ryan left to go out and I headed upstairs to take the test. It certainly did not seem like the test took three minutes to confirm what I knew deep down. I swear it instantly flashed PREGNANT. In that moment I had such a mixture of emotions. I was scared, shocked, excited, and mostly confused. As much as I love Ryan were we ready to be parents? I sat on the couch and stared at the wall in silence for about an hour. In that hour I planned everything in my head. I'm not kidding, I thought of everything. Most importantly, I convinced myself that these tests aren't always right and it truly matters what my doctor says. I also knew I had to tell Ryan first and foremost so we could figure this out together.

The next day I headed to work and I received a text from Ryan that said, " Is this a new pregnancy test?" I HAD LEFT THE STUPID TEST OUT BECAUSE I WAS SO SHOCKED. So in a way I got off the hook of telling him, and he agreed that we need to see a doctor before we determine if there is a little Ryan Jr. growing in my belly. 

Later that week I headed in for my appointment and I was the calmest I had been in days. Pregnancy can be truly scary when you aren't planning and I think it's ok to be scared. You are responsible for a whole life besides your own! It's a huge deal! My results came back positive and I called Ryan. We both decided that although this is not what we had planned, it is happening and thus we are beginning a new chapter together.... As parents. I have always wanted a family and I have always wanted to be a mother. I'm very fortunate to have a partner that I know is going to be a wonderful dad and supportive of me as well. He kept me calm through everything! I always thought it was going to be the other way around! We immediately started planning and discussing and we even have a name that we call our little peanut (it's a secret). 

The scariest moment of my life quickly turned into a realization of joy all thanks to Ryan. I appreciate ya babe!