What All Working Moms Want You to Know

I have waited my whole life to be a mom. I know that sounds clique, but I’m serious. It has always been the ultimate goal for me. When I became pregnant at 28 I had it all. A great job that I adored and the added bonus of doing really well for our family. Not to mention, I LOVE my job. It doesn’t even feel like work anymore, it’s just a place I go to hang out with amazing people I have grown to call family. I argued with myself daily about being a working mom vs. a stay at home mom. As I got closer to having Tanner I had to make the choice. I chose to keep working; and I don’t regret doing that for my family or for my baby. I chose to help contributing financially to give him the best and I chose to keep a part of me I love.

Maternity leave was a dream for me. I hadn’t taken time off in years and I loved being able to spend time with my husband and go to Target on a Saturday! (Which was actually really terrible and crowded ) I haven’t been back on a Saturday since. Regardless, I felt like I had a “normal life.” Working in the casino industry can feel isolating when you are in a relationship with someone who works Monday- Friday. I’m not off on weekends and DEFINITELY not off on holidays. In many ways it was a nice change of pace to be on the same page as Ryan for once. I grew up helping care for my nephews and little sister, so I am pretty fluent in baby. Motherhood really felt natural to me and not to mention the little thing I said before, I have always wanted to be a mom. Of course it was an adjustment for my life, but I was in such bliss. Towards the end of maternity leave I had mixed feelings about going back. I was ready somedays and somedays I wasn’t. I felt such GUILT. I felt like my baby needed me and only me. I didn’t think I could do it, and if I did, I didn't think I would last long once I was back.

Then I did the worst thing.

I started looking at all the mom groups on the subject. Most of these groups are toxic. It’s just a forum for other moms to bash and shame each other. I belong to a select few that I truly love, but I found the majority of them useless. The forums felt like it was a constant war with the SAHM and the working moms. No one could ever agree that both of these jobs are so valuable and it’s not a competition. It was blatantly toxic, but it still did something to me. The forums made me feel guilty that I was going to leave my newborn. I understand that some moms have no choice but to go back and other moms have the option. I am fortunate I had the option.

The day I dropped Tanner off at my mom’s to return to work I was a mess. I cried the entire drive to work and almost turned around to go get him five times. WHICH IS CRAZY! My mom raised five children plus three grandchildren. If anyone knows how to take care of a baby it is her. She is truly the best mom. It just strikes differently when it’s your baby. You feel like the only person in the world that can protect them. In my heart I knew Tanner would be in great hands, but it still hurt to leave him. Until then, we had never been apart. I got to work with a heavy heart that day, but I was proud of myself for going.

For those of you who don’t know, I work at a popular casino here in Las Vegas. I have been there for 7 years and my regulars have become like my family. That day everyone knew I was coming back and so many people came in to see me!! My heart was so full with all of the hugs and flowers I received from my people. It made me feel so much better and made me realize that I am someone else besides a mom. She is just as important as mom and needs her own space outside of “just mom.” I think this sense of identity is important for working moms and SAHM’s. Every mom needs her own hobby or “thing” to call her own. That could be the gym or even a mommy cooking class. It's important to maintain your own hobbies or interests you had before. Once I got back, I realized for me that was keeping my career.

I am not bashing stay-at-home moms. Currently during quarantine, that is my daily job! It is just as challenging as getting up and going to work everyday. It is a deeply rooted personal choice. I also believe it is not a one-size fits all. Being both has taught me that the time you spend with your children is about quantity. You can be home all day long and not bond with your child. Or you can be home for five hours and bond with them the entire time. When I was working I gave every second to Tanner. I still give him all of my time, but I help him to be independent too. The balance of the quantity of your time is so important. Personally, being a mom made me a lot better at my job, because each night when I got home I was reminded that I was building a better future for my son. Working in turn made me a better mom because Tanner will always know the importance of hard work. I knew I was working hard to give him the best of everything and I will continue to do that for him.

I want all working moms to know that you can be passionate about your career and still be supermom. There are so many ways that you can be there for your children while providing for them financially as well. Nothing about motherhood will work perfectly for each mom. If you do the very best you can for your children and family, and everyone feels loved, then you have done your part. Next time you criticize a working mom, please remember her sacrifice just like us working moms honor your commitment to your home.

All my love,